Vol. L

Dear Manager,

In Interpersonal, I have often referenced similarities between management and parenting. In the course of our working day, we are managers and we are teachers. Do we often feel like parents?! Our best qualities as managers are probably our best qualities as parents. Our worst qualities as parents are probably our worst qualities as managers.

Whether raising a child or running a business, I believe there is a tendency in the early stages to give too much.

All of us have experienced the joys and rewards of giving. We have also wrestled to regain a balance when we have given too much. By nature, we want to create a better environment for those around us than we may have had. If we were deprived, (or felt that we were deprived), we want to bring pleasure.

We have all seen parents who have provided the trappings of excess. As these children become adults, will they have the skills and motivation, much less the desire, to create their own foundation for success? With only good intentions, we have all, at some point, insulated those around us from the difficult and painful aspects of life. Have we sold the future for the difficult decisions and mixed messages of today?

In the process of creating that “better environment,” I believe we have the potential to establish a reality that can’t always be lived up to. And if it could, would we want it to? It can be very hard to say no, especially if the resources and desire are available to say yes! This is the balance I am referring to, this is the balance that troubles us all.

THE PEDESTAL

As managers, we foster the perception of being in control, in tune, and on time! We are looked up to for guidance, support, understanding, and confidence in the future. Being looked up to feels good! For some we manage, this can also become a crutch. It can lead to an attitude of, “So how are you going to fix my problems?” This reminds me of the child who has just spent their lunch money on arcade games then whines, “But I’m hungry!”

Without question, managers hold a very serious responsibility in creating an environment for success. There will be challenges, setbacks, and disappointments. Our responsibilities as managers are equal to those of the individuals who have chosen to be associated with us. All working relationships are based on mutual choice. Mutual benefit must also exist for any relationship to succeed.

BEING ON CALL

Being a manager is also a choice. It comes with trappings, it comes with responsibilities. This includes not giving too much of oneself. I know managers who have lost all sense of self-worth, as they have sold their soul in order to meet excessive demands. With instant communication available on the cell, online, or vibrating on your belt, when is your life your own?

At times, I am discouraged by the pace we have all been thrust into when technology runs amok. Even when we carve out “personal time,” there is pressure for all of us to stay “on line.” I worry that these pressures have become commonplace and will ultimately become the standard. Being available “24-7” simply can’t continue. I speak from experience.

There have been times in my career that, in retrospect, resulted in little fulfillment and even less productivity. Soon my objectivity, enthusiasm, and energy were simply not at their best. While I could point fingers at the time, only I am responsible for my choices and the outcome.

MORE BALANCE

Have you trained those who look for your guidance and direction to expect that you are available regardless of your personal time and needs? Do these individuals now expect the world to revolve around their sense of urgency relating to you? If you do not hold this aspect of your life in high regard, do you expect others to do so on your behalf? Do you hold a standard of mutual respect for the personal time and privacy of others? I learned a number of years ago that there is very little that cannot wait a day.

I recently read an article relating to the number of managers who have left their profession to “regain control of their life.” High quality individuals are leaving our profession. I am convinced that these individuals have simply never learned to say no. They lament the pressures of management, the lack of quality time for themselves, the stress that has besieged them. It may be easier to walk away from ones career than it is to address the issue. Management holds equal parts of fulfillment and necessitousness (is this a great word or what!), only if we take back control.

My goal in this month’s issue is to stop this snowball in so many individuals’ careers before it is too late. We will only survive as managers if we are willing to assume full responsibility for our personal happiness. It is no one else’s responsibility, there is no shared blame. Management is what it is, our future and destiny are, very simply, ours. We have the ability to save something for ourselves; it is our responsibility to not give too much.

With balance, our careers will flourish, those who are most important to us will enjoy our company, and we, as managers, will enjoy the objectivity to perform at a much higher level of personal satisfaction. This is a difficult transition. Will some individuals misunderstand these objectives, and others be threatened by your intentions? You betcha! Then again, it is survival.

Our local paper recently ran an article about a local developer who had accumulated substantial wealth and power. Though his comments focused on his belief that all excess wealth should be given back to those in our society with real need, they apply to broader aspects of life. “We are doing the greatest disservice to those we care about the most,” he said, “ if they are given a free ride. What personal growth or satisfaction is gained from receiving too much?”

We all have a responsibility to not only give of ourselves, but to save something for ourselves. In an odd sort of way, this reminds me of retired people who refuse to live life to the fullest in order to retain their nest egg for their children. As managers, we must realize the difference between creating opportunity and guaranteeing the future. While somewhat extreme, Wayne Dyer has always enjoyed sharing a favorite tongue-in-cheek quote: “I don’t believe in life insurance … I want it to be a real tragedy when I die!”

Personal Regards,

Keenan

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