Interpersonal Business

Vol. XXXXV

Dear Manager,

To paraphrase a recent statement by baseballs Sparky Anderson, “The only meaningful identity we have in life is that of our integrity. We are all born with it, but only a few will leave this world with it.” We have grown up with the understanding that one’s identity or title is exceedingly meaningful. If this is true, to whom should it be meaningful – the individual, or those with whom they come in contact? This is where things begin to blur. Could this be where some American politicians have compromised their fundamental sense of values? It is the clear contrast of substance versus form.

The greatest individuals I have known have all lived a very simple life; a great deal more substance, a whole lot less form. They enjoyed great success, managing to keep the playful aspects of life, and their identity, in proper balance. I feel so fortunate to have been shown their contrast, their depth, and their compelling sense of priority in simply “doing what is right.”

These individuals rarely live “in the now.” They are in a constant thought process and actual transition relating to their evolution. They watch, with a bit of humor, those individuals who are leveraged into their master identity. This letter was inspired by their teachings. It is dedicated to their meaningful legacy of substance.

We all have many identities. Most we develop over time, others come our way through decisions we have made. Our center stage is usually devoted to where we have found success or what the majority of our waking hours employ. The balance of our identities seem to take a subservient role to their master.

We have all noticed that, for some, their primary identity consumes them. Similar to an actor who assumes their stage role in real life, all waking hours are devoted to their personal identity. These individuals may come dangerously close to losing touch with their own reality. The phrase, “Get a life.” was coined for these individuals! Take them out of their dominant identity, and there is truly nothing left. This is the risk we all take if the balance of power shifts to a single and dominant focus.

There is a tendency to take one’s own perception too seriously. Certainly, what’s most important to me in my waking hours will be of much less importance to anyone else, and vice versa. Each of us has our own priorities, interests, triumphs and challenges. No one else can possibly feel our pain, or be expected to.

Our identities included, we can all be replaced. Our legacy in life can never be defined by our identity. There is great irony in the belief that upon our passing, our master identities will in some way carry us to the golden gates. This is how truly ridiculous individuals can become. Have you ever seen a peacock strut with its feathers on full display? Have we become confused with “what we do” as compared to “who we are?”

For years, business and management has been selling the virtues of creating an identity through the “Title Game.” How many Buyers or Assistant Buyers are there at the local department store? How many Vice Presidents does one Bank or Corporation truly need?! In many instances, these identities have been granted as an alternative to compensation. A title can also be a golden hand cuff. How much is a title worth? Advertise a title, and watch humanity come knocking on your door.

This phenomenon is not unique to the business world. We’ve all read the letters in advice columns from parents who have just sent their youngest child off to college. After so many years of complete focus and devotion, their identity is now seriously challenged. Their self-worth has taken a serious hit, their anguish is genuine, and they are desperately seeking help in re-defining themselves.

If we rely on others, or in our stature in life to define us, when it no longer exists, we have no definition! Wayne Dyer, a renowned psychologist and writer once said, “If we define ourselves by the feeling and outlook of others, I should be focusing my counseling on them … so that you can feel better!”

We spend our lives developing our identities. As our life evolves, so will each of the identities we choose to assume. One’s career, marriage, children, retirement, and death are considered to be the five most dominant stages in one’s adult life. If we can be consumed by a single identity, what happens when the inevitable and ultimate change in our life’s description takes place?

Much of our identity comes from our chosen profession. Our first stages in life seem to be in total preparation for the career we are to develop. At what time do we begin to prepare for our next transition? Our work ethic has taught us to work until we no longer can. How can anyone possibly maintain a professional identity once they are no longer working? And yet, are we not all working for a reason: for a better life now, and in the future? Is there not a means to an end? There must be a life of even greater significance and a few more simple pleasures.

Society has taught all of us the Work Game: Our only value to society is through our productivity in the work force. Continued growth through ownership is essential to maintaining our stature and identities. My point is not that we shouldn’t enjoy the abundance in our lives. The question becomes, when does the need for continued expansion of possessions end?

Why do so many work into their seventies and beyond? In the absence of a sincere desire to continue one’s career, one of two reasons typically apply: poor preparation for their later years, or a serious lack of personal distinction outside of their current master professional identity. We have all heard of individuals who, once retired, felt a tremendous lack of purpose, became ill and quietly passed away. These individuals worked very hard, for many, many years. For what?

How can we possibly maintain our identify through others or through “what we do?” All aspects of life are temporary. Children, job descriptions, one’s title and current identity are all temporary by definition!

PRIDE IN OWNERSHIP

I believe this to be the ultimate oxymoron. What do we truly own? Every possible aspect of ownership is temporary. What we have will be sold or passed along to others. There is no aspect of perceived or material ownership that can transition our current life span. The only aspect of life for which we can take ownership is our feelings, our integrity, our spirit and our substance. Only these aspects of life will survive us.

The first challenge for all of us is to not take our identities quite so seriously. Balance relating to all of our identities provides us with flexibility, opportunity and future growth. With our last breath, no one will truly care about our job description. What will carry on is the spirit that was brought to the lives of others and the integrity with which we lived our lives. All other aspects of our current identity seem to shallow and to be very small by comparison.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM