Interpersonal Business

Vol. LV

Dear Manager,

How quickly the years pass. With the beginning of a new year, I believe we should both reflect on the past year, and define some short and long term direction for the future. Some may give this merely a fleeting thought, others devote significant focus to this area of reflection.

With the New Year I have found it to be an excellent time for all of us to take a personal day. Why not find a favorite place to collect our thoughts, and examine the short and long term objectives of both our careers and personal lives? At this gift giving time of year, it’s time to fasten a bow on a gift for yourself.

Few of us take the time to define our plans and strategies relating to our career, let alone a personal accounting. Our daily focus (particularly this time of year) is so centered on “the immediate need” and meeting all of these responsibilities, that there is little time left for oneself. Schedule it! Without a doubt, this is the single best gift and commitment you can make to your organization’s long-term health. Why are we finding less time for self?

Some individuals simply aren’t at ease with personal time. They have grown away from themselves. These individuals would never consider a vacation by themselves, see a movie on their own, or take a long walk in a park or on the beach. If you haven’t done any of the above, it is time. All too often, it seems we need others to define us. Now isn’t that scary! At a time with so many demands upon our time, it’s time we begin to take steps to better appreciate our “own company.”

I will never forget the first time I lived on my own. It was at a very difficult time in my life after a divorce. Having gone directly from my parents’ home and college, into my first marriage at a very young age, there had been no time to establish my independence. I needed to start from scratch. The first few months were full of busy days, followed by lonely nights and very long weekends. With time, I began to take back control, eventually finding personal satisfaction in the peace of my own home. Such a turning point is one that I am sure many of you can personally relate to.

We can all lose ourselves in our work and home responsibilities. What have you done to retain or restore the personal sense of satisfaction and freedom “of self” that you once enjoyed?

The demands and responsibilities we find in both our personal and professional life are unending. These demands are only increasing as our world shrinks through technology. As the 21st century and its “web” of technologies unfold, survival demands that we delegate time for self. Losing touch with oneself can often go hand in hand with:

WANTING (and doing) IT ALL

We have all heard of the Super Moms of the past decade. These are the individuals who maintain two full time responsibilities, at home and in their career, regardless of their personal needs. These individuals, some very adept at doing so, have chosen to take it on – all of it. There are many personal and professional compromises in the process, yet millions have embraced this way of life. The required organizational and productivity skills, not to mention stamina, are daunting. In doing so much for others, oneself becomes an afterthought.

Now let’s take a look at the Super Manager. This is an individual who assumes not only responsibility for their role at home, but also for the “family” within their organization. Again, there are many personal and professional compromises in the process, yet millions have embraced this way of life. The profile of this manager suggests that they have risen through the ranks within an organization, or have developed a mature organization of their own.

These individuals seem to have a sixth sense relating to when opportunity presents itself. At an earlier time in their career, most likely due to lack of experience and confidence, opportunities seemed few and far between. Now, years later, it seems that the candy store has swung its doors wide open, creating what amounts to an opportunity feeding frenzy. Some of these individuals, however, have become opportunity junkies. This is the problem.

As managers, we often see opportunities lost due to our staff’s lack of experience, and our inability to scoop them all up. What many managers have failed to accept is the fact that there are many, many, many more opportunities to come. None of us can, or will, have (or need) them all. With maturity and success, we now have the skills to pick and choose only the best opportunities at hand, yet we still silently cringe at letting one pass us by. It’s a little like picking fruit. While the ones at eye level are ripe, the ones a little higher look a bit larger…so we take them all. I am convinced it is not a matter of greed; it’s just so darned hard to pass one by. If one peach tastes so good, just think how good ten will taste!?!

This is where the compromise comes into play. While we are picking all of the fruit, the rest of our lives are passing us by. Weeks, months, years can pass with little else to show for our efforts. Yes, there is a price to wanting it all. Not only in our personal lives, but in those individuals we consider to be a part of our family at home and at work. If these thoughts don’t send you straight home from the orchard, nothing will.

WE DON’T NEED THEM ALL

If this becomes the conclusion, then a new year is certainly as good a time as any to make the needed adjustments! As referenced earlier, begin by taking that day of personal definition. Is it a trip to the mountains, a beautiful lake, or simply to the park at the end of the block? Begin by defining what you consider your spot. Take a legal pad or journal to assist in defining your current thoughts, direction and priorities. I guarantee this small step will refresh like no other “opportunity” you have found in recent months.

The next step comes with scheduling an annual break from your office. Over the years, I have taken annual vacations, either alone or with my wife. While I have enjoyed numerous trips with friends, or all of the kids, over the years, I believe that true down time can only be effectively accomplished alone or with your partner. Friends and associates have asked over the years, “How do you find time for a vacation?” It’s very simple. If it’s a priority, it’s scheduled months in advance, period. The standing joke in our office for years was to contact us only in the event of “multiple deaths.” This is the type of priority that down time necessitates.

We have all worked with or managed individuals who were clearly dealing with the intense demands and stress of their careers. On one hand, they were often our top producers, and we certainly wouldn’t want to “discourage their commitment.” On the other hand, having experienced this type of individual in the past, this personality is on the fast track to a short-term burn out. On more
than one occasion I have strongly suggested that a break was in order, an afternoon exercise class, or some form of personal renewal. Anyone worth managing is worth protecting from themselves, yourself included.

THINK EUROPEAN

So, are you still feeling guilty about thinking of your own personal health and that of your partner? Our culture has inbred us to believe that personal time, let alone vacations, are a luxury only available at some future time. European culture expects its citizens to take from two to eight weeks each year to renew their spirit. As I look back, scheduling personal time was perhaps the single greatest decision that I made as a manager twenty-eight years ago. It not only made me a better manager, it saved me from myself.

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2010. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM