Interpersonal Business

Vol. XXXXV

Dear Manager,

To paraphrase a recent statement by baseballs Sparky Anderson, “The only meaningful identity we have in life is that of our integrity. We are all born with it, but only a few will leave this world with it.” We have grown up with the understanding that one’s identity or title is exceedingly meaningful. If this is true, to whom should it be meaningful – the individual, or those with whom they come in contact? This is where things begin to blur. Could this be where some American politicians have compromised their fundamental sense of values? It is the clear contrast of substance versus form.

The greatest individuals I have known have all lived a very simple life; a great deal more substance, a whole lot less form. They enjoyed great success, managing to keep the playful aspects of life, and their identity, in proper balance. I feel so fortunate to have been shown their contrast, their depth, and their compelling sense of priority in simply “doing what is right.”

These individuals rarely live “in the now.” They are in a constant thought process and actual transition relating to their evolution. They watch, with a bit of humor, those individuals who are leveraged into their master identity. This letter was inspired by their teachings. It is dedicated to their meaningful legacy of substance.

We all have many identities. Most we develop over time, others come our way through decisions we have made. Our center stage is usually devoted to where we have found success or what the majority of our waking hours employ. The balance of our identities seem to take a subservient role to their master.

We have all noticed that, for some, their primary identity consumes them. Similar to an actor who assumes their stage role in real life, all waking hours are devoted to their personal identity. These individuals may come dangerously close to losing touch with their own reality. The phrase, “Get a life.” was coined for these individuals! Take them out of their dominant identity, and there is truly nothing left. This is the risk we all take if the balance of power shifts to a single and dominant focus.

There is a tendency to take one’s own perception too seriously. Certainly, what’s most important to me in my waking hours will be of much less importance to anyone else, and vice versa. Each of us has our own priorities, interests, triumphs and challenges. No one else can possibly feel our pain, or be expected to.

Our identities included, we can all be replaced. Our legacy in life can never be defined by our identity. There is great irony in the belief that upon our passing, our master identities will in some way carry us to the golden gates. This is how truly ridiculous individuals can become. Have you ever seen a peacock strut with its feathers on full display? Have we become confused with “what we do” as compared to “who we are?”

For years, business and management has been selling the virtues of creating an identity through the “Title Game.” How many Buyers or Assistant Buyers are there at the local department store? How many Vice Presidents does one Bank or Corporation truly need?! In many instances, these identities have been granted as an alternative to compensation. A title can also be a golden hand cuff. How much is a title worth? Advertise a title, and watch humanity come knocking on your door.

This phenomenon is not unique to the business world. We’ve all read the letters in advice columns from parents who have just sent their youngest child off to college. After so many years of complete focus and devotion, their identity is now seriously challenged. Their self-worth has taken a serious hit, their anguish is genuine, and they are desperately seeking help in re-defining themselves.

If we rely on others, or in our stature in life to define us, when it no longer exists, we have no definition! Wayne Dyer, a renowned psychologist and writer once said, “If we define ourselves by the feeling and outlook of others, I should be focusing my counseling on them … so that you can feel better!”

We spend our lives developing our identities. As our life evolves, so will each of the identities we choose to assume. One’s career, marriage, children, retirement, and death are considered to be the five most dominant stages in one’s adult life. If we can be consumed by a single identity, what happens when the inevitable and ultimate change in our life’s description takes place?

Much of our identity comes from our chosen profession. Our first stages in life seem to be in total preparation for the career we are to develop. At what time do we begin to prepare for our next transition? Our work ethic has taught us to work until we no longer can. How can anyone possibly maintain a professional identity once they are no longer working? And yet, are we not all working for a reason: for a better life now, and in the future? Is there not a means to an end? There must be a life of even greater significance and a few more simple pleasures.

Society has taught all of us the Work Game: Our only value to society is through our productivity in the work force. Continued growth through ownership is essential to maintaining our stature and identities. My point is not that we shouldn’t enjoy the abundance in our lives. The question becomes, when does the need for continued expansion of possessions end?

Why do so many work into their seventies and beyond? In the absence of a sincere desire to continue one’s career, one of two reasons typically apply: poor preparation for their later years, or a serious lack of personal distinction outside of their current master professional identity. We have all heard of individuals who, once retired, felt a tremendous lack of purpose, became ill and quietly passed away. These individuals worked very hard, for many, many years. For what?

How can we possibly maintain our identify through others or through “what we do?” All aspects of life are temporary. Children, job descriptions, one’s title and current identity are all temporary by definition!

PRIDE IN OWNERSHIP

I believe this to be the ultimate oxymoron. What do we truly own? Every possible aspect of ownership is temporary. What we have will be sold or passed along to others. There is no aspect of perceived or material ownership that can transition our current life span. The only aspect of life for which we can take ownership is our feelings, our integrity, our spirit and our substance. Only these aspects of life will survive us.

The first challenge for all of us is to not take our identities quite so seriously. Balance relating to all of our identities provides us with flexibility, opportunity and future growth. With our last breath, no one will truly care about our job description. What will carry on is the spirit that was brought to the lives of others and the integrity with which we lived our lives. All other aspects of our current identity seem to shallow and to be very small by comparison.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM

Vol. XXXXIV

Dear Manager,

It is the fear of failure. It wreaks havoc on our outlook, personality and attitude. How can we reverse this destructive source of anxiety? The only way to slay the dragon is straight through the heart.

Yes, we grew up learning through our parents’ encouragement, and in full view of their own anxieties, that failure is one of the greatest fears known to man. A vision of THE POOR HOUSE on the hill, or life on the streets, can’t help but come to mind. Examples were often given of those individuals who unfortunately had not measured up in life. Positive reinforcement such as “being the best you can be,” was often synonymous with the mixed signal “you certainly wouldn’t want to be a disappointment!!” I remember the perceived pressures when I left college to live up to the expectation of “making something of myself.” Failure simply was not acceptable.

WHAT A BUNCH OF BALONEY!

I spent the next fifteen years believing I would be a disappointment if I failed. While my business grew slowly at first, it gained momentum as the years passed. I began taking success for granted. Everything I touched seemed to have a positive outcome. The worst aspect came when I began to believe in the praises and platitudes of others. I believed I had a golden touch. Without question, Keenan needed to fail … and he did!

I had started a second business that seemed to have the potential to be very lucrative. I invested heavily (how could it fail?), asked for very little assistance (I certainly didn’t need it) and went on my merry way.

Within two years, I was tapped. I had to make payroll off of credit card advances. 1985 was a very, very long and difficult year. This time in my life was very significant. The lessons learned, while expensive, were the best real life education I had ever had. I learned a healthy respect for failure. There was no question that my business skills would need to improve. I continue to challenge these skills daily.

I am convinced that humans need to fail – to crash and burn – at least once in their life. Until our limits are tested in the good and difficult times, we will never realize our full potential. How can anyone fully comprehend success without having tasted the agony of defeat?! It takes great courage to fail!

I have always believed that we, as managers, are doing a great disservice to our staff by providing an environment with little opportunity for challenge and growth. In doing so, we are sending them the message that they’d better not fail. We must create an environment for success with a full understanding that failure is part of the process. Success and failure are often just inches apart. What greater reward for a manager than to assist others in bouncing back from difficult times?

We have all read of the countless failures endured by the great inventors and industrial giants of years gone by. The ultimate test is not the fact that they had initially failed. It is their resiliency, tenacity and personal resolve to pick themselves up and make as many attempts as required for success. We will never read inspiring stories about individuals who “almost got it right.”

How many of life’s lessons can be learned through success? Child stars and young professional athletes often have the world by the tail. Very few truly understand themselves and their true impact on humanity, let alone their future. I can’t find any courage in this equation. With maturity and good fortune, they will survive some tough times. If not, I hope they have a strong parent or friend who will give them a verbal smack “upside the head.” It is their only hope.

We only learn the most valuable skills through failure. There is no why in success, there is only why in failure. There are very few lessons in success, only in failure. Failure is a very personal moment. It demands that we analyze our circumstances, scramble to pick up the pieces, and develop the patience to deal with our difficult circumstances. It demands the best of us.

So, why have generations continued to agonize over the fear of failure? I believe there are two reasons. First, failure is plain old embarrassing. It takes strength to admit that you’ve made a mistake. Everyone will know! I will state this again, for it is absolutely the truth. In creating an environment in which having failed makes one a failure, we will ultimately surround ourselves with the lowest common denominator and stunt the growth of our companies.

Unlikely as it may seem, I believe the second factor contributing to the anxiety of failure can be a very clear and obvious fear of success! Some individuals may not feel worthy, and mediocrity is a safe harbor! The responsibilities that accompany success can seem too great a price to pay. A person may be uncomfortable with the notoriety, the attention, and of subsequent future failure. Yes, there is also courage in success.

It is time for all of us to banish the anxieties related to failure and success. Emotions related to these anxieties are old news and a personal choice.

TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR FAILURE

With any luck at all, we will each experience times of failure in our lives. The first experience is the most difficult. Confidence and satisfaction are developed through overcoming adversity. Subsequent challenges will be approached with an increased sense of power. An “I survived once, I can certainly do it again!” attitude will prevail.

Fear is the very worst of all motivators. Acceptance of the inevitable roadblocks in our careers, along with a measure of confidence, will assist us at every turn. Our long term health and sense of fulfillment is incumbent upon our ability to survive a periodic stubbed toe.

As effective managers, we must be able to address and accept failure in ourselves and in all of those around us. I’d hire a qualified individual who had experienced and overcome failure, in every instance, over the individual who had not! Ownership of our own failures allows us to build upon the past, and understand the failure of others. It is our lot “of” life.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM

Vol. XXXXI

Dear Manager,

The fundamental difference between the “Haves” and the “Have-Nots” is a very positive mental attitude combined with the power to believe. Most would agree that these are, indeed, important qualities. Why do so few consistently incorporate these principals into their daily lives? Don’t expound about virtue while complaining about the ways of the world! Is it possible that some individuals cannot hear their own voice? Flipping the switch of positive and negative energy to support one’s current frame of mind simply won’t get the job done.

Over thirty years ago I had the opportunity to read a book that would forever change my outlook on the power of one’s belief system. This book (which is still in print) was given to me by a friend I greatly admired. With his writing of The Magic of Believing in the 1940’s, Claude Bristol was a pioneer in his day, long before Norman Vincent Peale, Tony Robbins, and others. This short book told the story of the author’s life and the profound impact of one’s own belief system in one’s life. With brief chapters he proved, without question, that The Magic of Believing was available in abundance to all of us! How can a story such as this maintain its relevance for nearly eighty years?

One of the foundations of this simple story is the proven fact that the mind does not recognize the difference between thought and deed. In other words, we are precisely what we think about. If we think of ourselves in the most positive terms, we are that. If we think of ourselves in the most negative terms, we are that. Thought becomes reality!

In a simple exercise, Bristol suggests visualizing a successful outcome prior to your next important meeting. Think in very specific terms of the positive energy you feel as you walk through that door. Picture being greeted by smiling individuals who appreciate your time. These individuals will be very receptive to your presentation and more than willing to give you their full consideration. Imagine feeling totally relaxed, confident and prepared for any and all questions.

Can you imagine how relaxed and better prepared you will feel under these conditions? Once again, thought is reality. Our minds cannot tell the difference between having actually accomplished the task and simply having visualized each aspect. Like a dream, it becomes very, very real. Think how much easier your meeting will become knowing it is the second time you have given this exact presentation?! In this instance, reality becomes the result of thought.

Have you ever watched a golfer, high jumper or skater visualize effort prior to their performance? The golfer will stand over his putt “watching” the course of the ball as it falls into the hole. The high jumper will mark every step in his mind, feel the breeze against his face with each stride, and watch his own form crossing the bar. The ice skater will visualize their program from the sidelines. With a bob and weave of their head, they will anticipate every jump and spin. I wouldn’t be surprised if they can even hear the applause of the crowd! Now it’s simply a matter of accomplishing the task, not for the first time in these exact circumstances, but for the second time in these exact circumstances.

In recent years, forty individuals were asked to meet at a gym to test this visualization theory. With little knowledge of the day’s plan, they were split into two groups, one at each end of the floor. Each member of the group was asked to shoot twenty free throws, making as many baskets as they could. The two groups made well below 50% of their shots.

One group was sent home, asked not to practice, but to come back again in two weeks. The second group was also asked to return in two weeks and not to practice shooting the ball. However, the second test group was asked to do one additional thing for the two week period. As they went to bed each night they were asked to visualize standing at the line and bring back the feelings of making their shots. The greater the detail in their thought, the better. They were to imagine feeling the ball in their hands, bouncing the ball at their feet, almost feeling the dampness of their hands. In their imagination, each night they would watch the ball leave their hands, spinning towards the hoop, and swish … 100% success!

After two weeks the test groups returned to make their twenty shots. Little had changed in the first group, but they did improve slightly from their previous effort. Similar to this group, no one in the second group had touched a ball in the two week period. Each member stepped up to the line to make their shots. The accuracy and success rate increased by a full 50% over their first effort, and the efforts of the first test group! Simple mental practice and confidence had provided the second test group with a decided advantage.

Have you ever walked out of a successful meeting so excited you could almost fly? Every aspect of your presentation had gone well, and far beyond all of your expectations! You could hardly contain your exuberance and enthusiasm for your good fortune. You could hardly wait for your second meeting of the day, because nothing could dampen your spirits. As you walked out the door you may have thought to yourself, “Let’s just see how hot I am.”

You very likely found out. The sense of energy and excitement rubbed off throughout the balance of your day. The sense of confidence you portrayed was infectious to all who came into contact with you. You had the walk! Our self-image and how we project ourselves is crucial to peak performance.

In contrast, have you ever anticipated having a successful meeting that very early on simply fell apart? Your preparation turned out all wrong and you left doubting whether the business relationship could even be saved. With your head in your hands, you proceeded to your next meeting. Did you allow your shattered confidence to affect your next appointment?

These examples graphically suggest the value of a positive belief system and how, with practice, we are in absolute control of thought, outcome, and our own destiny. You must learn to develop and maintain “your walk” regardless of the most recent circumstances.

Just like our successful free throw shooters, practice is required on a daily basis. Our belief system is as reliable as we allow it to be. It is not a perfect world, and never will be, yet is there any value in dwelling on something less than a positive outlook?

I am convinced that if individuals objectively listened to both their self-talk and their verbal communications, there would be no doubt which qualities manage their life. Deed and execution are the result of thought, not the reverse! We cannot be defined by what we do, we are purely and simply a reflection of our thought process, period.

The transition of our belief system and attitude can be a slow process or, for those with the desire and discipline to see it through, an exciting and very fulfilling process. Writing down one’s thoughts can be the best way to clarify and define your current thought process. It can also reflect your progress over a period of time. Perfection is an unrealistic dream. Progress can become our new best friend.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM

Vol. XXXX

Dear Manager,

Based on the many correlations I have drawn between sports and business, one might assume that I have enjoyed an illustrious relationship with competitive sports. Unfortunately, I was young for my grade and washed out of organized team sports after my freshman year. I have since enjoyed individual sports, re-living the elusive dramatic moves of my youth, though only my wife shows enthusiasm for my occasional success. My greatest understanding of sport has come from business…

Like it or not, we are all competitors. We all aspire to be one of the best at what we do, for some … it’s to be a champion. The essential aspects of life, nourishment, housing and simple pleasures, all require that we compete. It is a burning desire that motivates all of us. Take that burning desire, increase its intensity ten-fold, and you can begin to understand the heart of a champion. We can all learn from this intensity, regardless of our desire to embrace the many demands and sacrifices required.

Yes, there is a price to being a champion. Champions can be very one dimensional in nature. Outside their area of expertise it may even be difficult for them to carry on a conversation. Relationships often suffer; one’s self-serving, driving sense of accomplishment may not be at the top of another’s list of priorities. We have all seen the down side risk, yet are still intrigued by a champion.

SHOW ME THE EYE OF A CHAMPION

Have you ever noticed the eyes of a Champion? In a competitive environment, and without a single word, their eyes will reflect an intense resolve and quiet confidence. These individuals have a clear respect for their competition. Rarely will the voice of a champion feel the need to boast, let alone justify their greatness. Those who do must back it up with achievement. Performance is the only standard. It is the single voice of their accomplishment.

A. The quiet confidence of a Champion is founded on the premise that we all compete on a level playing field. We all enjoy an equal opportunity to enjoy greatness. Certainly we all enjoy varied strengths and weaknesses, just like those of a Champion! It’s not that this life provides only a few of us with shortcomings. A Champion looks to how she or he can enhance and take even greater advantage of their strengths, while at the same time minimizing their vulnerability and improving upon their weaknesses.

B. The belief system of a Champion is something to behold. Does the Pope believe? Let me tell you, so does the Champion! With every fiber of their spirit, this individual believes in the ability to ultimately control the outcome. Will there be major road blocks? Will there be nay-sayers? Will there be setbacks? Count on it. These individuals understand adversity, and cut through to the heart of the obstacle!

C. These individuals take nothing for granted. I would go so far as to say they live with a real sense of paranoia relating to their competition. They have personally found the keys to the gates of greatness … others must be in hot pursuit!?! (Butterflies are simply an additional motivational tool.) Discipline at its highest level can best describe their work habits. In the back of their mind they can’t help wondering who might be working to close the gap …while they sleep.

D. These individuals have thrown out all previously accepted standards relating to work ethic. These individuals reach for infinite performance. Did anyone ever believe we’d break a four minute mile or add another revolution to a double lutz? Clearly there are no boundaries! These individuals understand one of their greatest advantages is the competition’s willingness to accept current standards relating to greatness.

E. A Champion is a great daydreamer. A complete visualization carries him or her thorough the rough spots. This individual will often lose all sense of reality between the feelings of future accomplishment and the feelings of actual accomplishment after the fact. A sixth sense develops that allows them to genuinely feel the other five senses in advance of the accomplishment. These individuals can smell it … they can taste it!

F. Finally, these individuals understand the only true competition. It can be found in their own personal resolve and in the depths of their own spirit. Nothing will come between their human ability to succeed and their ultimate success. These individuals assume full and total control for the results. A day of less than their own standards of perfection is of their own doing, and a result of choices they have made.

Very few in life will accept the sacrifices demanded by peak performance. There is no divine or personal responsibility to do so. Can you possibly imagine the log jam at the top? We can all learn a great deal from the heart of a champion. Being a student of those at the top is the first step toward bridging the gap. We’ve all seen individuals take a shot at those who have attained higher performance than themselves. It’s much safer to minimize and cheapen the accomplishments of others than to acknowledge one’s own shortcomings.

We would all like to hold the brass ring at least once in our lifetime! The keys to our own Championship are in our ability to identify our own shortcomings, put aside all ego and insecurities, and rush to the front of the line to …

… LEARN FROM THE VERY BEST

There is such a huge resource available if we wish to become a student of our chosen profession. It is much easier to become complacent with our own acceptable levels of accomplishment. Watch for speakers of distinction, take additional training, read biographies of those you admire. Search out the assistance of individuals through whom you can find personal growth. Buy them lunch once a month, hire them as a coach or personal assistant, ask probing questions dealing with areas of contrasting approach and style. What better investment could an individual make?

There is not a reader (or author) reading this today that does not have their own bag of shortcomings. It’s time, once and for all, to drive a Mack truck through them. This is the heart of a Champion, this is the difference between losing and being a loser … winning and being a winner.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM