Interpersonal Business

Vol. L

Dear Manager,

Whether raising a child or running a business, I believe there is a tendency in the early stages to give too much.

All of us have experienced the joys and rewards of giving. We have also wrestled to regain a balance when we have given too much. By nature, we want to create a better environment for those around us than we may have had. If we were deprived, (or felt that we were deprived), we want to bring pleasure.

We have all seen parents who have provided the trappings of excess. As these children become adults, will they have the skills and motivation, much less the desire, to create their own foundation for success? With only good intentions, we have all, at some point, insulated those around us from the difficult and painful aspects of life. Have we sold the future for the difficult decisions and mixed messages of today?

In the process of creating that “better environment,” I believe we have the potential to establish a reality that can’t always be lived up to. And if it could, would we want it to? It can be very hard to say no, especially if the resources and desire are available to say yes! This is the balance I am referring to, this is the balance that troubles us all.

THE PEDESTAL

As managers, we foster the perception of being in control, in tune, and on time! We are looked up to for guidance, support, understanding, and confidence in the future. Being looked up to feels good! For some we manage, this can also become a crutch. It can lead to an attitude of, “So how are you going to fix my problems?” This reminds me of the child who has just spent their lunch money on arcade games then whines, “But I’m hungry!”

Without question, managers hold a very serious responsibility in creating an environment for success. There will be challenges, setbacks, and disappointments. Our responsibilities as managers are equal to those of the individuals who have chosen to be associated with us. All working relationships are based on mutual choice. Mutual benefit must also exist for any relationship to succeed.

BEING ON CALL

Being a manager is also a choice. It comes with trappings, it comes with responsibilities. This includes not giving too much of oneself. I know managers who have lost all sense of self-worth, as they have sold their soul in order to meet excessive demands. With instant communication available on the cell, online, or vibrating on your belt, when is your life your own?

At times, I am discouraged by the pace we have all been thrust into when technology runs amok. Even when we carve out “personal time,” there is pressure for all of us to stay “on line.” I worry that these pressures have become commonplace and will ultimately become the standard. Being available “24-7” simply can’t continue. I speak from experience.

There have been times in my career that, in retrospect, resulted in little fulfillment and even less productivity. Soon my objectivity, enthusiasm, and energy were simply not at their best. While I could point fingers at the time, only I am responsible for my choices and the outcome.

MORE BALANCE

Have you trained those who look for your guidance and direction to expect that you are available regardless of your personal time and needs? Do these individuals now expect the world to revolve around their sense of urgency relating to you? If you do not hold this aspect of your life in high regard, do you expect others to do so on your behalf? Do you hold a standard of mutual respect for the personal time and privacy of others? I learned a number of years ago that there is very little that cannot wait a day.

I recently read an article relating to the number of managers who have left their profession to “regain control of their life.” High quality individuals are leaving our profession. I am convinced that these individuals have simply never learned to say no. They lament the pressures of management, the lack of quality time for themselves, the stress that has besieged them. It may be easier to walk away from ones career than it is to address the issue. Management holds equal parts of fulfillment and necessitousness (is this a great word or what!), only if we take back control.

My goal in this month’s issue is to stop this snowball in so many individuals’ careers before it is too late. We will only survive as managers if we are willing to assume full responsibility for our personal happiness. It is no one else’s responsibility, there is no shared blame. Management is what it is, our future and destiny are, very simply, ours. We have the ability to save something for ourselves; it is our responsibility to not give too much.

With balance, our careers will flourish, those who are most important to us will enjoy our company, and we, as managers, will enjoy the objectivity to perform at a much higher level of personal satisfaction. This is a difficult transition. Will some individuals misunderstand these objectives, and others be threatened by your intentions? You betcha! Then again, it is survival.

Our local paper recently ran an article about a local developer who had accumulated substantial wealth and power. Though his comments focused on his belief that all excess wealth should be given back to those in our society with real need, they apply to broader aspects of life. “We are doing the greatest disservice to those we care about the most,” he said, “ if they are given a free ride. What personal growth or satisfaction is gained from receiving too much?”

We all have a responsibility to not only give of ourselves, but to save something for ourselves. In an odd sort of way, this reminds me of retired people who refuse to live life to the fullest in order to retain their nest egg for their children. As managers, we must realize the difference between creating opportunity and guaranteeing the future. While somewhat extreme, Wayne Dyer has always enjoyed sharing a favorite tongue-in-cheek quote: “I don’t believe in life insurance … I want it to be a real tragedy when I die!”

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM

Volume XXXXVIII

Dear Manager,

Certainly aspects of business have changed over the years. Good business and the standards to retain it have not. “Big is much, much bigger today.” But this was true ten, twenty, fifty years ago as well. The stories of “when I was a kid,” and the changes that have occurred, have gone on for multiple generations. While very little actually changes, the dynamics of everything change again and again. The fundamentals of ethics, by comparison, have changed very little. I believe that today’s competitive environment demands an even stronger sense of ethics than in past generations.

The baggage of cynicism comes with a lack of ability to trust anyone, even those who maintain a very high ethical standard. A cynic has compromised their willingness and ability to discern the difference! One person’s cynical approach has the potential to carve a wide path of doubt for those who lack the disposition to define their own conclusions. One bad apple …

THE EASY WAY OUT

It is certainly easier to cast aspersions on an entire segment of civilization than it is to set an example, expect high standards in others, and resolve to improve the standards of others with the process.

Are all businesses ethical in their practices? No. In order to create a positive environment and potential for change, we must first show trust in the most positive aspects of human nature. How are we to know, with absolute certainty, the ethical standards of another? At first blush, all individuals, all business, must be assumed to be morally and ethically sound. With this foundation, all of business can be judged and held accountable.

Given time, all animals will show their spots. Only then, will those who choose less-than-ethical standards be defined. Only at this given moment will our own ethical standards be tested. Accept the spots, challenge them, or move on.

Cynics show their true colors in all areas of business. Those who do not share their attitude are often caught flat-footed by the cynic’s potential to create chaos and mayhem. We’ve all known individuals whose focus is centered around their cynical approach. I always wonder what the outcome would be if their destructive efforts were focused instead towards a more successful and constructive challenge.

Those who take themselves out due to their condemning perspective are left with few options but to align themselves with less-than-ethical working environments. I have always believed that those who look for trouble will be drawn squarely back to their self fulfilling prophecy. Birds of a feather, cynics of a feather, find their just rewards. And the beat goes on!

I’m not suggesting that we live in a Mr. Rogers world. If we don’t maintain some sense of innocence and idealism (yes, just like when we were kids), standards become blurred. Everyone has the understanding and ability to be trusted. We must collectively hold the standard, and expect others to measure up. Only then can we find the best in our work environments.

Over the years I’ve been cautioned regarding the ethics of certain individuals. In practice, I’ve very rarely found these concerns to be relevant. Perhaps in my case they’ve held a higher standard. If this is so, then all parties have benefited for the relationship. The idealist in me would like to think this standard has helped them develop a frame of reference they’ll bring to their future relationships.

Our own attitude is essential to creating a greater ethical standard in management. When the motives of highly ethical individuals I’ve known are quizzed or second guessed, they simply have no foundation from which to respond. These individuals have no place in their thought process for a rebuttal, let alone an insight into the accuser’s mind-set. When conversing with a cynic, it is a pure waste of time to lower one’s standards to acknowledge and dignify their concerns and perspective.

As managers, we have no reason to accommodate cynical and suspicious speculations. If our intentions are consistently in question, either it’s deserved, or we have surrounded ourselves with individuals undeserving of our valuable time and expertise. In either instance, change is now required! Regardless of their talent, these individuals impact management’s credibility, the morale of one’s organization, and ultimately the organization’s roots and foundation. Cynicism, let alone unethical business practices, is truly a cancer of the most malignant form.

There are unethical elements in all aspects of life. This can be defined, this can be quantified. My greater concerns are for those desperate individuals whose cynicism plays a much greater role in day-to-day business operations. Their numbers are much greater, their hazard much greater, than the issues they purport to reform.

QUALITY TO THE ROOTS

In today’s challenging employment market, the lower spectrum of the job market takes on a greater visibility. Rocks are turned over and cynics crawl out. As managers, we must have the resolve and the patience to avoid the temptation of hiring purely on talent and less on character. As a voice with over thirty-five years of experience, I have found the price to be extraordinarily high.

The quality of our organization is always judged by the character of those with whom it is associated. Our ability to maintain these relationships is, in many cases, determined by the quality of one’s peers. The first clue in determining the ethics of an organization is to look beyond management to its roots: its staff members. All the answers are available to those who take a moment to listen.

The high road is essential to all aspects of business. Rather than subscribing to “prove to me your high ethical standards,” I would suggest “prove to me otherwise.”

Being able to manage from a perspective of face value and benefit of the doubt is essential to managing a business. Managers will make more mistakes than they choose to admit. Regardless, management deserves to be judged purely and simply on ability and performance, not on motives, personal agenda, or self serving egos.

Expecting the best in others will surround us with those who deserve to have the best expected of them.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM

Volume XXXXVII

Dear Manager,

Yes, experience is critical for all of us. It is what we learn that has the potential to protect us from making the same mistakes twice. This is a huge asset in a very competitive world. The problems begin when we rely too heavily upon the past, and take for granted the potential of a new business age. This may be the most difficult of all transitions for mature managers.

Fresh eyes can certainly be hard to maintain. Much of what we do can seem so similar to what we experienced in the past; same script … new cast of characters. While it is truly this experience that will save us, it can also sink the ship! Showing enthusiasm for the “first experience” of another will challenge our abilities to relate with others on a daily basis. Do you remember the first time you rode a bicycle without training wheels? I would bet you remember how important it was to you at the time. It was a significant moment!

So, too, are the first experiences of those around us. I remember how difficult it was for me to make the transition from full time sales to management. I still miss that consistent one-on-one personal victory, and even the setbacks, that are a part of the selling process. Once you have that selling fix, it’s very hard to get the monkey off your back. The emotional rush in sales when you know you have exceeded your wildest dreams is truly irresistible.

In contrast, as managers we begin to live through the victories of those we manage. Much like parents, we must bring our own sense of excitement and awareness to a level similar to those we manage. Only then can we truly share their current frame of reference. Our child’s first solo flight on a bicycle was undoubtedly similar in exhilaration to that of our own.

Yes, this freshness must be maintained if we are to continue to maintain our effectiveness as managers! Some days will be harder than others, and some days the rewards will exceed any that could have been accomplished as an individual.

THE EXPERIENCE FACTOR

From personal experience, I have found it to be exceedingly easy to judge those around me from the foundation of my experience, as compared to another’s frame of reference and their experience factor. If you think about this, it is simply human nature. All levels of experience are different from our own, yet our tendency is to hold others accountable to our own level of experience. Don’t they get it? Can’t they see it? It’s so obvious to me, it must be obvious to others. As managers, we cannot take for granted the experiences of those around us and the foundation for the decisions that they make.

It is common to hear conversations in which details of the mistakes others are making in their lives are being discussed. Criticism can be so pompous and so easy to dole out. If you think about it, the only way we could have these opinions of others is if we have personally experienced a similar situation. If this is true, how can we possibly be critical?

A great example is in the decisions of the heart made by those we love. A common dialogue might include, “This person is simply not right for them. They have to open their eyes, I just don’t want them to get hurt. Don’t they see what they are getting into, they deserve so much more…” and on and on.

We are all experts only because we have a much clearer vision from having made the same mistakes. Yet there truly are no mistakes, only learning exercises. In all likelihood, I would not have found the love of my life had I not built a foundation of past experience to recognize it. We still try to protect others from similar pain. We never listened, why would they?

Having recognized this, its application for management is very similar.
It is time to throw away criticism, a condescending attitude, and an all-knowing approach to business. We don’t have all the answers. If we did, they would not apply in all instances and for all individuals.

Each person’s experience and personal make up allows for as many different approaches to an objective. For example, I attended a sales meeting where the individual making the presentation took a startlingly different approach to the subject at hand. I would never have considered using the manner and thought process chosen by this speaker. I decided to simply sit back and watch the presentation play itself out.

In the end, the meeting was a great success, with a conclusion far better than I anticipated. I left feeling honored to have watched it unfold. I was a member of the right team! Gee, I love it when my all-knowing approach has been shattered. If there is always another way, then there will always be a better way!

These experiences consistently remind me to take a much more objective approach to most situations. We all have confidence in doing things “our way.” We must remember to leave space for those we manage in support of “their way.” Our own management experience, and our foundation for future decisions, depend on it!

ACKNOWLEDGING EXPERIENCE

As a teenager, do you remember thinking your parents were nuts? Some of us might even have concluded that adults didn’t understand, didn’t live in the real world, and were over-protective. With the experiences that brought us to adulthood (and our own set of close calls), their decisions now seem to be miraculously on target (most of the time) and in our best interest. Have you ever uttered a dreaded phrase used in similar situations by your own parents? It’s frightening. Yes, those in an experienced position may, on occasion, have a good idea.

Obviously, our single desire is to make only good decisions. Will our life experience allow this desire to always come true? Never. Our frame of reference is developed from our personal experiences, and those we share through others. Seldom will we listen to others and fully understand, let alone be wholly guided by, their perspective. Human nature suggests we have to find our own way. With this thought in mind, we can never hold others accountable to our own current frame of reference.

I recently heard a quote that applies exceedingly well to this topic. “We did then what we knew how to do. With what we know now, we can do better.” Oprah Winfrey

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM

Vol. XXXXV

Dear Manager,

To paraphrase a recent statement by baseballs Sparky Anderson, “The only meaningful identity we have in life is that of our integrity. We are all born with it, but only a few will leave this world with it.” We have grown up with the understanding that one’s identity or title is exceedingly meaningful. If this is true, to whom should it be meaningful – the individual, or those with whom they come in contact? This is where things begin to blur. Could this be where some American politicians have compromised their fundamental sense of values? It is the clear contrast of substance versus form.

The greatest individuals I have known have all lived a very simple life; a great deal more substance, a whole lot less form. They enjoyed great success, managing to keep the playful aspects of life, and their identity, in proper balance. I feel so fortunate to have been shown their contrast, their depth, and their compelling sense of priority in simply “doing what is right.”

These individuals rarely live “in the now.” They are in a constant thought process and actual transition relating to their evolution. They watch, with a bit of humor, those individuals who are leveraged into their master identity. This letter was inspired by their teachings. It is dedicated to their meaningful legacy of substance.

We all have many identities. Most we develop over time, others come our way through decisions we have made. Our center stage is usually devoted to where we have found success or what the majority of our waking hours employ. The balance of our identities seem to take a subservient role to their master.

We have all noticed that, for some, their primary identity consumes them. Similar to an actor who assumes their stage role in real life, all waking hours are devoted to their personal identity. These individuals may come dangerously close to losing touch with their own reality. The phrase, “Get a life.” was coined for these individuals! Take them out of their dominant identity, and there is truly nothing left. This is the risk we all take if the balance of power shifts to a single and dominant focus.

There is a tendency to take one’s own perception too seriously. Certainly, what’s most important to me in my waking hours will be of much less importance to anyone else, and vice versa. Each of us has our own priorities, interests, triumphs and challenges. No one else can possibly feel our pain, or be expected to.

Our identities included, we can all be replaced. Our legacy in life can never be defined by our identity. There is great irony in the belief that upon our passing, our master identities will in some way carry us to the golden gates. This is how truly ridiculous individuals can become. Have you ever seen a peacock strut with its feathers on full display? Have we become confused with “what we do” as compared to “who we are?”

For years, business and management has been selling the virtues of creating an identity through the “Title Game.” How many Buyers or Assistant Buyers are there at the local department store? How many Vice Presidents does one Bank or Corporation truly need?! In many instances, these identities have been granted as an alternative to compensation. A title can also be a golden hand cuff. How much is a title worth? Advertise a title, and watch humanity come knocking on your door.

This phenomenon is not unique to the business world. We’ve all read the letters in advice columns from parents who have just sent their youngest child off to college. After so many years of complete focus and devotion, their identity is now seriously challenged. Their self-worth has taken a serious hit, their anguish is genuine, and they are desperately seeking help in re-defining themselves.

If we rely on others, or in our stature in life to define us, when it no longer exists, we have no definition! Wayne Dyer, a renowned psychologist and writer once said, “If we define ourselves by the feeling and outlook of others, I should be focusing my counseling on them … so that you can feel better!”

We spend our lives developing our identities. As our life evolves, so will each of the identities we choose to assume. One’s career, marriage, children, retirement, and death are considered to be the five most dominant stages in one’s adult life. If we can be consumed by a single identity, what happens when the inevitable and ultimate change in our life’s description takes place?

Much of our identity comes from our chosen profession. Our first stages in life seem to be in total preparation for the career we are to develop. At what time do we begin to prepare for our next transition? Our work ethic has taught us to work until we no longer can. How can anyone possibly maintain a professional identity once they are no longer working? And yet, are we not all working for a reason: for a better life now, and in the future? Is there not a means to an end? There must be a life of even greater significance and a few more simple pleasures.

Society has taught all of us the Work Game: Our only value to society is through our productivity in the work force. Continued growth through ownership is essential to maintaining our stature and identities. My point is not that we shouldn’t enjoy the abundance in our lives. The question becomes, when does the need for continued expansion of possessions end?

Why do so many work into their seventies and beyond? In the absence of a sincere desire to continue one’s career, one of two reasons typically apply: poor preparation for their later years, or a serious lack of personal distinction outside of their current master professional identity. We have all heard of individuals who, once retired, felt a tremendous lack of purpose, became ill and quietly passed away. These individuals worked very hard, for many, many years. For what?

How can we possibly maintain our identify through others or through “what we do?” All aspects of life are temporary. Children, job descriptions, one’s title and current identity are all temporary by definition!

PRIDE IN OWNERSHIP

I believe this to be the ultimate oxymoron. What do we truly own? Every possible aspect of ownership is temporary. What we have will be sold or passed along to others. There is no aspect of perceived or material ownership that can transition our current life span. The only aspect of life for which we can take ownership is our feelings, our integrity, our spirit and our substance. Only these aspects of life will survive us.

The first challenge for all of us is to not take our identities quite so seriously. Balance relating to all of our identities provides us with flexibility, opportunity and future growth. With our last breath, no one will truly care about our job description. What will carry on is the spirit that was brought to the lives of others and the integrity with which we lived our lives. All other aspects of our current identity seem to shallow and to be very small by comparison.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM